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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Good
Mouse
Trap
Traps
Mice
Humor
Morning
Funny
Pushups
Didn
Nude
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
