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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Home
Smoked
Hospital
Pot
Hospitals
Wife
Sure
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
Rodney Dangerfield
