Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Smoked
Hospital
Pot
Hospitals
Wife
Sure
Home
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
