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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Entering
Hour
Week
Hours
Valve
Half
Replacement
Hospital
Right
Angeles
Heart
Surgery
Things
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
