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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Things
Surgery
Entering
Hour
Week
Hours
Valve
Half
Replacement
Right
Hospital
Heart
Angeles
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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