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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hours
Valve
Half
Replacement
Right
Hospital
Heart
Angeles
Things
Surgery
Entering
Hour
Week
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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