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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Somebody
Wife
Else
Must
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
