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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Somebody
Wife
Else
Must

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield