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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Doors
Humor
Leave
Barking
Respect
Keeps
Wants
Dog
Funny
Door
Fronts
Front
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
Rodney Dangerfield
