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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Doors
Humor
Leave
Barking
Respect
Keeps
Wants
Dog
Funny
Door
Fronts
Front
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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