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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Door
Fronts
Front
Doors
Humor
Leave
Barking
Respect
Keeps
Wants
Dog
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
