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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Whole
Time
Pittsburgh
Hide
Played
Seek
Family
Found
Mother
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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