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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Seek
Family
Found
Mother
Whole
Time
Pittsburgh
Hide
Played
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
