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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hide
Played
Seek
Family
Found
Mother
Whole
Time
Pittsburgh
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
