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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Tree
Funny
Family
Section
Tell
Sections
Always
Cousin
Gay
Fruit
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield
