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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Always
Cousin
Gay
Fruit
Humor
Tree
Funny
Family
Section
Tell
Sections
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
Rodney Dangerfield
