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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Gay
Fruit
Humor
Tree
Funny
Section
Family
Sections
Tell
Cousin
Always
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I don't get no respect
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
Rodney Dangerfield
