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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cousin
Always
Gay
Fruit
Humor
Tree
Funny
Section
Family
Sections
Tell
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
