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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Opening
Humor
Funny
Dissecting
Kids
Frog
School
Frogs
Flies
Cousin
Gay
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
