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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Opening
Humor
Dissecting
Funny
Frog
Kids
Frogs
School
Flies
Cousin
Gay
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
Rodney Dangerfield
