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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Mugger
Muggers
Mask
Wear
Took
Night
Made
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
Rodney Dangerfield
