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I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Kids
Humor
Funny
Three
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield
I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
