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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
House
Cook
Cooks
Pray
Praying
Humor
Worst
Wife
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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