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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Praying
Humor
Worst
Wife
Funny
Cook
House
Cooks
Pray
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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