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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
House
Cook
Cooks
Pray
Praying
Humor
Worst
Wife
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
