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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Funny
House
Cook
Cooks
Pray
Praying
Humor
Worst
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I can't get no respect.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
