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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Size
Kings
Two
Bikini
Made
Bikinis
Sheets
Fats
Bed
King
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I don't get no respect
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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