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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Bed
King
Size
Kings
Two
Bikini
Made
Bikinis
Sheets
Fats
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
