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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Family
Uncles
House
Occurs
Come
Miles
Ten
Moved
Stupid
Heard
Deaths
Within
Uncle
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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