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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ten
Moved
Stupid
Heard
Deaths
Within
Uncle
Family
Uncles
House
Occurs
Come
Miles
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
