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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Occurs
House
Miles
Come
Ten
Moved
Stupid
Deaths
Heard
Uncle
Within
Uncles
Family
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Rodney Dangerfield
I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
