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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Heard
Deaths
Within
Uncle
Family
Uncles
House
Occurs
Come
Miles
Ten
Moved
Stupid
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
