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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Moved
Stupid
Heard
Deaths
Within
Uncle
Family
Uncles
House
Occurs
Come
Miles
Ten
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
