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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Funny
Hooker
Headache
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
