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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
First
Men
Tripped
Childhood
Step
Took
Steps
Firsts
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
