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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Good
Appeal
Appeals
Absolutely
Everyone
Problem
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
Rodney Dangerfield
[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
