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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Everyone
Problem
Good
Appeal
Appeals
Absolutely
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Man, who don't like spaghetti?
Rodney Dangerfield
