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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Week
Fire
Guy
Lasts
Last
Ties
Funny
Caught
Tried
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
