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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Jerk
Neighbor
Supposed
Self
Love
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Rodney Dangerfield
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Rodney Dangerfield
