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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Family
Uncle
War
Uncles
Come
Fought
Great
Civil
West
Stupid
Comedy
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
