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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
War
Uncles
Come
Fought
Great
Civil
West
Stupid
Comedy
Funny
Family
Uncle
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I don't get no respect
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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