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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
West
Stupid
Comedy
Funny
Family
Uncle
War
Uncles
Come
Fought
Great
Civil
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
