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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Great
Civil
West
Stupid
Comedy
Funny
Family
Uncle
War
Uncles
Come
Fought
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
