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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Stupid
Funny
Family
Pens
Father
Bank
Come
Stealing
Caught
Worked
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
