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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Fire
Learn
Make
Love
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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