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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Fire
Learn
Make
Love
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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