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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Guy
Two
Lovemaking
Month
Entirely
Guys
Cutting
Months
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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