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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Two
Lovemaking
Month
Entirely
Guys
Cutting
Months
Wife
Guy
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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