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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Two
Lovemaking
Month
Entirely
Guys
Cutting
Months
Wife
Guy
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I can't get no respect.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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