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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Guy
Lovemaking
Two
Month
Entirely
Guys
Cutting
Months
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I can't get no respect.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
