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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Months
Wife
Guy
Two
Lovemaking
Month
Entirely
Guys
Cutting
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Rodney Dangerfield
