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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hope
Running
Care
Take
Insult
Driving

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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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