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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Keep
Better
Think
Thinking
Confirm
People
Introvert
Idiot
Quiet
Speak
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I can't get no respect.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
