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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Quiet
Speak
Keep
Better
Think
Thinking
Confirm
People
Introvert
Idiot
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
Rodney Dangerfield
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
