Quote

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

Rodney Dangerfield

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Right
Handle
Briefcases
Going
Sex
Button
Afraid
Buttons
Wasn
Bathroom
Knew
Shirt
Morning
Picked
Funny
Shirts
Tell
Fell
Briefcase

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Image
A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
Image
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield