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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Nothing
Tried
Matter
Anybody
Make
Marriage
Time
Wife
Love
Either
Think
Happened
Thinking
Lasts
Last
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
