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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Time
Love
Either
Think
Happened
Thinking
Lasts
Last
Tried
Nothing
Anybody
Matter
Marriage
Make
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
