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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Love
Either
Think
Happened
Thinking
Lasts
Last
Nothing
Tried
Matter
Anybody
Make
Marriage
Time
Wife
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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