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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Look
Doctor
Looks
Confusion
Doctors
Turned
Took
Face
Faces
Born
Twins
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
Rodney Dangerfield