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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Men
Cellars
Like
Locked
Wine
Gets
Told
Wife
Age
Better
Cellar
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
