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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Like
Locked
Wine
Gets
Told
Wife
Age
Better
Cellar
Men
Cellars
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
Rodney Dangerfield
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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