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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Someday
Told
Kids
Hernias
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
