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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Someday
Told
Kids
Hernias

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield